Baby A's Story

On January 25, 2010, after 12 months of fertility medications, I FINALLY got 2 pink lines on a home pregnancy test!!  Aaron didn't believe me when I rushed to greet him at the door holding the stick in my hands.  He/we couldn't believe it, we had almost given up hope that we wouldn't be able to do this the "traditional" way!!  We went to the doctor and she confirmed on the ultrasound that we were in fact pregnant, we could see a heartbeat flutter.  We scheduled another appointment for 2 weeks from then to get new measurements to get an exact due date.  3 days before our next appointment I had a little light bleeding, called the doctor and she said that can be fairly normal and not to worry unless it got really heavy and red.  She would see us in a few days otherwise.

When we got to the office that day I was excited to see the baby again and to hear the heartbeat this time as we were promised.  I was 7 weeks 5 days according to my calculations.  The doctor started the internal ultrasound and she got quiet and then she said words I will never forget "I am really glad your husband is here with you have lost this baby it has no heartbeat anymore" She turned the screen off and I felt like I couldn't breathe, like someone was sitting on my heart was broken! The doctor told us she would give us a few minutes alone and the nurse would be back in with some information for us.  I got off the table got dressed, and grabbed a hold of my husband and didn't want to let go...he was in shock and didn't know whether to be mad and punch something or cry.

The nurse came in then and hugged me and gave us our options...either "pass" the baby on my own at home or have a D&C done.  At that moment I was angry and in shock and completely devastated...I didn't want to go to the bathroom and have this baby in the toilet.  I know some don't believe that an 8 week old fetus is a baby, but I believe that a baby is a whole person from the very moment of conception.  This was a child I had made and that God had given me and I didn't want to flush him or her down the toilet.

We opted for a D&C to be done the following day on March 5, 2010.  Aaron and I went alone and came home alone and wanted to be alone with one another.  I didn't want any visitors and we didn't answer the phone. We left that surgery center feeling defeated and alone and sad and angry and a dozen other emotions. 

I am a firm believer in picking yourself up and dusting yourself off and getting back on the proverbial horse.  So after a long weekend at home by ourselves, we decided as soon as the doctor allowed we would try again.  We weren't going to give up on our dreams of becoming a family and now that we had a taste of what that could be like we were all the more anxious to get our family started.  We waited for my body to heal after the D&C and began taking the fertility meds again and 6 months later I got another positive home pregnancy test.

Continue to Isaiah's story...

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