I'm so behind...trying to be Super Mom

I have too many hats on...I try to do too many things all at once!!  Once the baby goes down for the night I am exhausted and still have dishes, laundry, shower, and any other unfinished housework to do ( I hate missing time with her to do this stuff while she is awake)!!  I am usually asleep before I lay all the way down in bed! 

So...I am going to "try" to keep my promise to myself and do this blog update at the very least once a week!!  I think I will add it to my list as a Monday night task...after Layla's bedtime at least. 

Update since I last wrote: As I wrote in the last post, my Hero of a cousin passed away from skin cancer.  Layla and I attended his funeral on August 23, 2012 at Arlington National Cemetery.  (My husband could not get the time off work to attend :( )  We rode with family and stayed one night, attended the funeral, turned right around and headed back to Ohio.  I can say with all the emotion in my heart that I have never been and may never be again to a more moving and emotional funeral service in my whole life.  I am so proud to have a family member buried in that cemetery and I am honored to have had that man in my life.


I was truly blessed to have had this experience.

In other news...Layla will be 9 MONTHS on the 14th!!!  Where has the time gone!!  She is growing so fast and learning new things every single day!  She says "mama" and "dada", she stands, she walks assisted, she can climb the stairs at a record speed :)...she is amazing!!!  She has a cold right now and we are fighting that the best we can, and she seems better today, but she (as many of us do too when we don't feel well) has a whiny attitude...which is so very out of character for her, so we know she doesn't feel well if she is crying and whining!!

OK so I will be back in several days with another weeks updates!!!  The next one will be full because Layla will have turned 9 months and she will have had her doctor appointment too!!

Mommy loves you Isaiah :) 


Wow...I Got Lost Being a Working Momma!!!

I was just thinking the other day "I haven't even checked my blog, I wonder when my last post was"...it has been 4 months! Sheesh!!  So much in my life has been turned upside down, the majority for the good (or great) and one terrible thing for an awful reason. 

First, the Great Reason!  Layla has been the biggest blessing in my entire life and I seriously can't imagine a moment of my life without her in it.  She wakes up all smiles and lights up my entire day.  While I am at work I can close my eyes and see her big toothless smile and my heart smiles...and I am rejuvenated to continue the "struggles" of my job away from home.  Oh how I wish we had the lifestyle that allowed me to be a stay at home mommy, but we don't right now.  I will never say never, but it isn't looking good for me to be a stay at home mommy.  I am lucky enough to work for a good company that takes really good care of its employees and I have a boss that cares deeply for me and my family.  Enough so that I have asked her to babysit next weekend :)  She is the reason I keep going to work, I need to be a role model of responsibility and success for her, no matter the job title.  Success is what you make of it!

Now,  onto the reason that turned my world upside down that isn't at all a happy one.  I have endured in my life, some losses that really only affected Aaron and I deeply.  The vast majority of my family is still here on this Earth making their mark.  On July 21, 2012, My cousin Justin Kyle Adams took his last breath on this Earth.  He was 31, a father, a husband, a son, a brother, a grandson, a cousin, a friend, a soldier, a hero, and too young to be done with this life.  He served this country in the United States Army and served in Iraq where he earned a Purple Heart.  He came home, started a family and settled into life back in America as a recruiter for the US Army.  He discovered that he had stage 3 Melanoma on his back.  He had many treatments and surgeries.  It stared to spread into some internal organs.  He stopped treatments and quickly (within a few weeks) was in the arms of the Lord.  Because of his young age and the seriousness of this awful disease, I have decided that I need to be vigilant with my own health and wellness.  We purchased an elliptical machine today and we are going to start eating "clean" in the hopes that all this unhealthy weight on our bodies will fall by the wayside and we will feel 100% better about life, ourselves, and just be a picture of health.  We have 2 reasons to do this: #1 is for ME and #2 is for Layla and any other children God may bless us with in this life!  Losing a family member in such a young age and in seemingly good health was a huge wake up call.  Granted eating better and exercising will not stop skin cancer from happening, but it may stop a bunch of other diseases from creeping up on us!

I will be taking "before" pics tonight and I will start posting my progress.  I would really like this blog to help keep me motivated!! Here Goes Nothing!


I Don't Wanna...

Go back to work...I have just 2 full days left with my baby girl before I have to start leaving her 5 days a week for hours and hours and hours!!! I understand this working mother guilt thing now, maybe it would have been easier to take less time off after she was born.  Who am I kidding?? I wouldn't be easier if I took 6, 10, 12, 20 weeks or even years off to be with her and take care of her.  She is so dependant on me, which I know is my doing.  I have been the sole caretaker everyday of her life.  My husband is here and does a wonderful job taking care of her...but since I have been with her non-stop since the minute she was born, I feel like she won't want anyone else.  I feel dumb even saying that! sometimes she is fighting sleep and she gets so fussy and squirmy you have to hold her tight to calm her and my husband wasn't very good at this and couldn't get her to sleep.  So I showed him (knowing he would have to do it when I went back to work since we work different shifts) how to do it and she fell asleep for him so easily once he knew how to hold her to calm her like mommy does.  But he did it again the next day and i felt like she was looking for me (like where's my momma?) and I stood behind the chair and she looked at me and Aaron realized I was standing there and he told me to leave the room so he could do it on his own...so I went outside!!  I have a real hard time letting someone else care for her...even her DAD!!!  My mom and a neighbor will be her sitters while we are working.  I am so stressed about this I can't stand it, my stomach has been in knots for a week and it is gradually getting worse. 

I need to let go and let God...I tell myself this everyday and then I have another daydream about something not going as I planned and I freak out again.  UGH!!!

I will be back sometime next week to let you know how we are all handling this new arrangement in our lives!!  I am positive everything will fall into place and a routine will follow and work just perfectly...but until then I will be stressing!!


Feeling So Grateful & Sad at the Same Time

Yesterday afternoon I got a text from my sister-in-law and she asked if I knew Joe Clime.  I said yeah he is a couple years younger than me.  She said her and the ladies she works with were talking about him...his baby had passed away the day before at the babysitters from SIDS.  I instantly felt sick to my stomach and wanted to throw up.  I worry every single time I lay Layla down for a nap or at night that she may stop breathing and die from the same thing.  I am sure this is a fear a lot of mothers have about their newborn children. 

I felt so much sadness for their family.  I know I had a bad year last year from losing my son and another baby the previous year, so I can imagine their pain.  I cannot imagine though having only 5 months with my baby girl only to lose her so suddenly.  I hate that they are dealing with such a tremendous amount of grief...

At the same time, I find myself staring into my daughters eyes and being so grateful that God has kept her so perfectly healthy and that he gave her to us at all.  I found myself crying yesterday and once today because I feel guilty.  Guilty for having ever been frustrated with her for being fussy or not staying asleep.  I feel bad for getting upset that she woke me up or only let me sleep for just 2 hours before waking me up.  I look back and think "what an idiot...those are moments to cherish, moments you can never get back, moments you got to have cuddling and comforting your daughter"  I feel so guilty for having these feelings of frustration and anger.  They don't get those moments with heir little boy anymore and I hopefully have plenty more.  I vowed last night a vow of patience and peace, I will not complain for having to get up in the middle of the night with my precious girl to comfort or rock her.  It should be all my pleasure to do that with her and I am going to enjoy every second I get to do those things with her.

Rest in the Peace and Comfort of God's Arms, Caysen Joseph Clime!


2 Weeks Left

I only have 2 weeks left until I have to head back to my full-time outside of the home job!!  I am a Teller Team Leader at a branch office of a bank.  My office is literally just 3 minutes from my house and the babysitter is in between my home and work.  She is a retired lady that used to live next door to us.  I am excited to have my mom come down (she lives an hour and half north of us) once a week to keep her too.  She will stay at our house when my mom is here.  I am dreading that first day back to work if only because I am going to miss my baby girl.  But also because I will have so much work and emails and stuff to do when I get back to work.  I am not excited about all that but on a positive note all that work will make my time away from Layla go that much faster and I will get through my "workday" quickly. 

I am lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life that can watch my little angel at the drop of a hat and family that would drive and hour and a half just to help us out.  We are going to the babysitters home tonight to talk about payment and schedules and it makes this going back tot he working world thing feel so real and so soon.  These next 2 weeks are going to go by so quick and I need to spend as much quality time with my girl until then.

Look at this beautiful face...How will I ever be able to leave her????


I'm Back and We are Changing!

Well it has been an interesting few months here in my life, in my family, and in my home. I am back to blogging and am going to try and make the effort to blog at least 2 times weekly if not more.  I have a busy life with a new baby (2 months old) and my husband and I both work full-time (I don't go back to work until May 7th from maternity leave and I dread that day already) and Aaron is a full-time student.  He went back to school nearly 2 years ago to maintain a bachelors degree in middle child education for science and social studies and achieve a minor in history.  He is an amazing student and works hard to get good grades among all the other activities and responsibilities he has. 

We are trying to adopt a schedule that works for everyone in the house... it is not easy getting a baby to do what you want her do and when you want her to do it.  :)  She is the joy of our life  as we have had a few disappointments you could say in the past couple years.  Life is trending up and we are excited about how things are changing and moving forward for us. 

When I say we are changing I mean the blog...it will no longer be a blog of sadness and grief but one about our family, I will continue to mention my babies I don't get to hold and love on because I still miss both of them every single day.  But in an effort to move forward and not overshadow the joy our daughter brings to our life with the grief we clouded our life with for months and months, I am changing the tone of this blog to a joyous and grateful one.  I look forward to sharing our journey as a family with you all...until next time!  :)


Been So Long...New Life in My Life

I had our little baby girl on Valentines Day!!!  She is beautiful and the biggest joy of my entire life!!  It has been forever since I have blogged and I will be back on here on a regular basis, but as you can imagine with a new baby I am a busy lady!!!

Here is a picture of her to hold you over :) 
Layla Rae February 14, 2012 ~ 7lbs, 14oz and 20 inches long


Okay I have not updated anything in quite a while.  Today I am 37 weeks pregnant and I am more than ready to meet this little lady.  I am terribly nervous to go through the process to actually get her here, I have so many fears (most of which are crazy, weird, never happen sorts of scenarios) but I can't stop thinking about it.  My husband is starting to get really anxious and very nervous.  I have had some "pains" that make me feel as though she is making progress towards her birthday and I had a contraction today...just one which I thought was weird, but I guess from what I read is normal for this point. 

In 17 days we "celebrate" Isaiah's 1st birthday and we won't be there to visit him and take him flowers or be where he physically is on that day.  My mom is going to take him flowers and visit him since we can't.  I pray that Layla makes it here safely and perfectly, but I pray that she does not come on her brothers birthday.  I really don't want her to share birthdays with him...I don't want to have a sad day when it is her special day.  It would be bittersweet.  Maybe more bitter than sweet.

I will try to keep this blog updated the closer we get...here's to counting down to a safe delivery of a perfectly beautiful baby girl!