I Don't Wanna...

Go back to work...I have just 2 full days left with my baby girl before I have to start leaving her 5 days a week for hours and hours and hours!!! I understand this working mother guilt thing now, maybe it would have been easier to take less time off after she was born.  Who am I kidding?? I wouldn't be easier if I took 6, 10, 12, 20 weeks or even years off to be with her and take care of her.  She is so dependant on me, which I know is my doing.  I have been the sole caretaker everyday of her life.  My husband is here and does a wonderful job taking care of her...but since I have been with her non-stop since the minute she was born, I feel like she won't want anyone else.  I feel dumb even saying that! sometimes she is fighting sleep and she gets so fussy and squirmy you have to hold her tight to calm her and my husband wasn't very good at this and couldn't get her to sleep.  So I showed him (knowing he would have to do it when I went back to work since we work different shifts) how to do it and she fell asleep for him so easily once he knew how to hold her to calm her like mommy does.  But he did it again the next day and i felt like she was looking for me (like where's my momma?) and I stood behind the chair and she looked at me and Aaron realized I was standing there and he told me to leave the room so he could do it on his own...so I went outside!!  I have a real hard time letting someone else care for her...even her DAD!!!  My mom and a neighbor will be her sitters while we are working.  I am so stressed about this I can't stand it, my stomach has been in knots for a week and it is gradually getting worse. 

I need to let go and let God...I tell myself this everyday and then I have another daydream about something not going as I planned and I freak out again.  UGH!!!

I will be back sometime next week to let you know how we are all handling this new arrangement in our lives!!  I am positive everything will fall into place and a routine will follow and work just perfectly...but until then I will be stressing!!

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