Layla Rae

She is still just perfect and growing and moving!!  How have we been so blessed this time?  I often wonder why? though....why didn't we get Isaiah, but we get Layla? Why one, but not the others?  I am so terribly excited that she is doing so well and that I get to meet her very soon, please don't find this to be a complaint, it is not.  I am still a grieving mother with fears and questions. 

We got pregnant with Layla just 2.5 months after Isaiah was born and her due date is just 4 days after Isaiah's first birthday (I don not believe in coincidences, but I do believe in divine intervention).  We knew we wanted children and it had been a bit of a struggle for us to get any of the pregnancies, it took nearly 4 years of "trying" on our own before we sought help and found the problem. We were young and not in a tremendous hurry the first few years.  After all that it took almost a year to conceive the first baby after we lost that baby, it took 6 months to get pregnant with Isaiah.  We were determined to be parents, we knew we could get pregnant and the doctors had given us no inclination that we couldn't do this on our own.  So we kept trying instead of searching out alternatives.  We discussed what we would do if it never happened for us naturally.  We would adopt. 

I am so lucky to have such an amazing husband who has been so supportive (sometimes glass half empty, but I can't blame him for that).  He has been to all but 2 appointments with me throughout all 3 pregnancies.  I had to go alone today and I have to admit I was a bit scared.  But on the drive over I had the radio on and could feel my little girl just dancing away so she was with me and she was able to comfort me this time when her daddy couldn't be with me!  I am so blessed and oh so thankful for all I have been given.  I am even thankful for the things that have been taken from me, it took me a while to get here, but I am.  God taught me an awful lot about myself through those trying times and it brought Aaron and I so much closer together. 

Praise Be To God!  None of this is possible without Him!

Something's Different This Time...

I don't know what it is about this pregnancy that has me less scared...well I think I do.  I have this overwhelming sense of calm this time, not always by any means, but 98% of the time I have no fears or worries about her making it here to be with us.  This is the first time things have been purchased to bring home a baby...we never even attempted this with either of the other pregnancies.  I wonder if God was somehow telling us to wait with the first 2 saying "don't buy anything that will make you sad when you don't bring this baby home..."  It would have torn me up to see a crib or clothes or something when I came home after having Isaiah or home from my D and C with Baby #1.  It was hard enough just seeing an empty room. 

This is such a different feeling in my heart, head, in my whole being.  We have her crib, dressers, clothes, car seat, and pack and play already (granted the clothes and pack and play were given by a very excited grandmother to be).  We are more than ready to meet her.  Aaron was putting together her dresser on Sunday and when he was done he looked at me and said "I am going to be beyond angry of something goes wrong this time, now that all this is done"  I looked at him and with the most confidence I have ever had said..."she's coming"  I just know God is going to let us keep her, I just know!  I feel her move around constantly, she is getting so active and strong.  She has a couple amazing guardian angels looking out for her and God has answered our prayers. 

"We prayed for this child and the Lord has granted us what we asked of Him.” – I Samuel 1:27

22 week 3 days :(

Okay, so today I am officially 22 weeks and 3 days pregnant, which is the exact amount of time I was blessed enough to carry Isaiah!!!  I have had a couple of emotional moments today, some sad and a one anger explosion!!  I know that Layla is doing so much better than her brother was at this point and I feel certain that she will grace us with her amazing presence in February.  However, with all the joy I feel for her and meeting her and loving her, I am still a grieving mother.  I have lost children, I have 2 children I will never see grow up.  I am so blessed to have been given another chance at creating a life beyond my own, but I miss the children I never met!  We go to the doctor tomorrow to have another check at Layla's anatomy...to make sure she is still a perfect gift from God, so I am trying not get myself down about today and I am trying to look towards the future, my future with my beautiful baby girl!