Well, I knew this day was going to be hard on me, but I have been pleasantly surprised. I guess staying at home and away from any of the Mother's Day festivities, including those at church, have made it easier to cope with. I probably shouldn't be hiding, but I just wanted to be alone today. I would be celebrating my first mother's day with a 7 month old boy or girl (gender unknown and not named). I lost that baby in March 2010. We did get pregnant again the following September and I could be celebrating my first Mother's Day as an 8 month pregnant momma-to-be. But, Isaiah David was born and passed on Feb 2, 2011, he was born prematurely due to a fatal birth defect.
So I sit here, a mother nonetheless, without either of her children on Mother's Day. I am constantly searching for quotes, prayers, and/or books to read to help me cope with this heartbreaking grief I feel and I came across a little prayer today. It made me cry for a moment (as most things do these days) until I realized just how lucky my children are right now, even though they aren't with me.
I would have loved to have held my babies in my lap and told them about You, but since I didn't get that chance, would You please hold them in You lap and tell them about me?
This helps me realize that God is holding my babies and loving them every single day just as I would. I know they are watching me struggle through my Mother's Day and I hope they wish they could be with me today too. I hope they understand that my tears are for the sadness I feel for never having met them, held, them, or kissed them. But, more than any of that, I hope that Isaiah and his brother or sister are together being taken care of by the Lord.